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這一題的頂標範文與寫作技巧建議先自己寫完、送出批改,再打開對照。打開看範文 ▾收起 ▴
頂標範文與技術分析
這是同一題的頂標等級範文,標色的地方是值得學起來的進階文法句型或用字。
The bar chart above illustrates the degree to which American youths aged 18 to 29 pay attention to six different categories of news. As the chart reveals, environment and natural disasters top the list, drawing the attention of 69% of respondents, followed closely by social issues at 64%. International affairs and entertainment and celebrities rank in the middle, attracting 59% and 58% respectively. Not until we reach the bottom of the chart do we find the categories that interest young people the least: school and education, at 49%, and arts and culture, trailing behind all the others at a mere 30%. Clearly, issues that have a direct impact on daily life and the future of the planet concern young Americans far more than those related to academics or the arts. As for myself, the news category that interests me most is undoubtedly environment and natural disasters. Having witnessed how extreme weather events have grown increasingly frequent and destructive in recent years, I cannot help but feel that protecting our planet is a responsibility shared by everyone, especially the younger generation who will inherit the consequences. On the other hand, entertainment and celebrity news is what I care about least, for such stories, however eye-catching they may seem, rarely offer anything substantial to think about or learn from. Given a choice between fleeting gossip and knowledge that truly matters, I would always choose the latter.
技巧說明(5)
這是「分詞構句」的進階用法,特別是使用完成式分詞 Having + p.p. 來表示動作發生在主要子句動作之前(這裡表示「先前已經目睹」再導致「現在這樣覺得」的因果與時間先後關係)。文法規則是:當兩個子句主詞相同,且分詞動作明顯早於主要動詞的時間點時,可以用 Having + 過去分詞 開頭取代 Because I have witnessed... 或 As I have witnessed...,使句子更精簡緊湊,避免重複主詞與連接詞的累贅感。比起平鋪直敘的「Because I have witnessed extreme weather events..., I feel that...」,使用分詞構句能讓句子結構更有變化、顯得文筆成熟,是閱卷老師眼中的加分句型。學生可以在任何需要表達「先做了某事,因而產生後續感受或行動」的情境套用,例如:「Having read the report on air pollution, I decided to start riding a bike to school.」
這是 Not until 的倒裝句型,屬於學測作文中展現進階文法能力的經典句型之一。文法規則是:當否定副詞片語 Not until + 時間/條件子句 放在句首以強調「直到...才...」的語氣時,主要子句必須進行主詞與助動詞倒裝(do/does/did + 主詞 + 原形動詞),例如原本的 We do not find... until we reach the bottom 要改寫成 Not until we reach the bottom... do we find...。這種倒裝句比單純使用 We do not find the least popular categories until we reach the bottom of the chart 更有層次感與語氣上的強調效果,能突顯「這些類別排在最後、最不受關注」的事實,是圖表作文中描述數據高低很好用的句型。學生可以套用在任何想強調「直到某個條件才會發生」的狀況,例如:「Not until the final paragraph does the author reveal the true cause of the problem.」
此處使用現在分詞片語 drawing the attention of... 以及過去分詞片語 followed closely by... 作為分詞構句,附加說明主要子句中數據的細節,功能類似於補充子句但更精簡有力。文法規則是:當分詞片語的邏輯主詞與主要子句一致時,可以省略連接詞與主詞,直接用分詞開頭或銜接在句子後方,表達「伴隨發生的動作或結果」。比起寫成兩個獨立的簡單句(例如:It draws the attention of 69% of respondents. Social issues follow closely at 64%.),用分詞片語將資訊整合進同一句中,能讓句子更流暢、避免過多短句造成的生硬感,同時展現句子結構的多樣性。學生在描述圖表數據時可以仿照這個寫法,例如:「Coffee ranks first in popularity, accounting for 45% of votes, trailing slightly behind tea at 50%.」(視數據調整邏輯)。
這裡運用了主詞補語子句加上副詞 undoubtedly 來加強語氣,並搭配先行詞 the news category 加上關係子句 that interests me most 的結構,形成一個精確又有強調效果的句子。文法規則是:用「the + 名詞 + that/which 子句」的結構來清楚界定討論對象,再搭配語氣副詞(undoubtedly, certainly, clearly)放在 be 動詞之後、補語之前,強化說話者的立場與自信。比起簡單寫成 I like environment and natural disasters news most,這種寫法先用關係子句精確定義「我最感興趣的新聞類別」,再用強調副詞表態,句子更正式、更有說服力,適合用在表達個人立場的段落。學生可以套用於任何需要表達「最...的是...」的句子,例如:「The skill that benefits me most is undoubtedly critical thinking.」
這句話使用了分詞片語 Given a choice between A and B 來表達一種「假設前提」,等同於 If I were given a choice between A and B,省略了 If I were 而直接用過去分詞 Given 開頭,是一種精簡的假設語氣變體;同時搭配 would 表示與現在事實相反或帶有個人推測意味的語氣,並用 the latter 呼應前面提到的兩個選項中的後者,避免重複用詞。文法規則是:被動分詞構句 Given + 名詞片語,可以用來取代條件子句,常見於正式寫作中;而 the former / the latter 則是用來精準指稱前述兩項事物中的第一項或第二項,展現字彙的精準度與邏輯連貫性。比起直接說 I like knowledge more than gossip,這個句子透過假設語氣與對比用字,展現更細膩的邏輯思考與語言掌控力。學生可以套用於表達抉擇與價值觀的句子,例如:「Given a choice between comfort and growth, I would always choose growth.」
範文由 WriteUp 依學測評分規準產生,供練習參考,不是大考中心公布的佳作。
